Comparison and Perception
The body is absolutely incredible. If we get a superficial cut or wound our bodies essentially create their own bandaid in the form of a scab and then as the healing process continues we have new skin. We don’t have to think about the fact that the heart continuously pumps blood and beats an average of 100,000 times a day (heart and stroke). Our skin cells replace themselves every 2-4 weeks, our liver renews its cells every 150-500 days (Howstuffworks). I could go on and on and on………
I share all of this because even though I know how incredible my body is, I still struggle with body image and fully accepting my body as it is. There are so many factors that can contribute to my perception of my body from culture, the environment I grew up in, my personal experiences etc. What I know is that much of what I have allowed to inform my view of my body, and many other things, comes from “outside” of me. I didn’t create and I don’t agree with what culture/society portrays as acceptable or visually appealing or this constantly evolving, shifting, and changing criteria for mainstream “beauty”.
What I’m learning is that I get to choose which voices I allow to impact my perception. Will I allow those external voices to be louder and more impactful than my internal voice? Will I fall into the trap of comparison as a result of listening to those outside voices? Or, will I create my own narrative because I choose to be still enough to distill all of the “noise” and filter out MY voice, my values, myself? The third option is what I’m currently working on and it’s a process. It’s a process because not only am I learning this new way of thinking and being, but I’m unlearning comparing myself to others. I’m unlearning allowing the opinions of others to bolster or diminish my self esteem. I’m unlearning the idea that my identity, value, worth, is somehow dependent on how I measure up to my perception of those around me.
Perception of ourselves and others can impact how we view ourselves as parents, partners, employees, even in terms of our level of success. I had a recent experience as a parent that highlights this idea. At the beginning of the school year I was inundated with emails for both my kids. I didn’t read all of them and the ones that I did read I did more of a quick skim for important information. Inevitably, I missed some information and my internal dialogue was a judgemental one. When another mom shared an important event with me that I was clueless about I thought “this woman probably thinks I’m a mom who doesn’t care about my child’s education, she probably thinks I’m not at all involved in their lives. School is after all a HUGE part of my children’s lives right now”. I realized that I was allowing my perception of another mom’s perception to narrate my internal dialogue. I’m not a psychic or mind reader, those are not my skill set, so you see how unreasonable this thought process was. It was at that moment that I asked myself “how do I define a great parent and what values in this arena are most important to me?”. So, I made a list of values and came up with, what good parenting means to me and guess what? Reading every school email thoroughly and keeping up with every single school event was not on that list. Quality time, connection, creating a space where my kids feel seen, loved, heard and accepted, those are the things that made my list.
So when I find myself feeling inadequate or comparing my body, my parenting, my work, my home, I pause and check in with my values and make my own definition of success in that arena. A definition that is authentic to who I am and who I’m striving to be; one that is in alignment with my core values, and that will help me continue to grow into the human that I’m evolving into. I hope that this is a reminder that you get to direct the narrative of your life and that your worth, your value is priceless and unchanging no matter what you may be walking through in this season of life.
How a healthy heart works | Heart and Stroke Foundation | Heart and Stroke Foundation
Does Your Body Really Replace Itself Every Seven Years? | HowStuffWorks
